Are you looking for someone who is just right for you, but not sure where or how to find him or her? Many people say opposites attract. Maybe that is true, or maybe that is just what we are told as a way of explaining the “mystery” of relationships.
Being right for each other is more about having a “fit” of your personality, habits, and things you think are important. I call this the “compatibility factor”. Here are seven forms of compatibility to look for in your relationship.
1. Personality Compatibility: Do you really get along, or find that you are silently irritated with the other person’s personality? Are you uptight and your date is laid back? Think about if and how you will handle difficult days. Personality is a very important factor, and the most difficult to change.
2. Communication Compatibility: Are you direct or indirect? Does one of you do all the talking? Is one of you the silent type? Look at your conversations. Decide if they flow, and if they are enjoyable for you.
3. Friends and Family Compatibility: Do you get along with one another’s friends and family, or is this a source of stress for your relationship?
4. Health and Nutrition Compatibility: Are you a health food nut or a junk food junkie? Is the only exercise you get channel surfing? Look at if your health-related lifestyles match or not.
5. Financial Compatibility: Are you generous or frugal with your money? How is your partner with their finances? Money is one of the things couples fight about most often. If you share similar financial goals and means, this can be very helpful.
6. Educational Compatibility: Some studies have found (and I have found in my experience and practice) that educational and world experience compatibility are important to many couples. People tend to feel the most comfortable with others who share similar life experiences, professional opportunities, and world views.
7. Intimate Compatibility: Ideas for romance, intimacy and closeness come into play here. One example is PDA (not a hand-held computer) but Public Display Of Affection. You may love to hug and kiss in public, and your date may think it’s just wrong. Having a mismatched style can lead to resentments and have a long-term effect on your love life together.
I hope that you learned about some of the compatibility factors in your own relationship. So what can you do if you are not compatible? You can
1. Accept things as they are
2. Work on yourself and the relationship
3. Leave the relationship.
If you opt for change, you can only change yourself. It’s unreasonable to demand that the person in your life changes unless they want to. If you are in the dating and selection process, it is much more effective to choose a compatible partner now than it is to “fix” something that is “broken” later. Don’t be afraid to let go if things are not working out. Sometimes love really is just not enough. Don’t worry, there are millions of singles in the world to choose from, and you can find one that is compatible with you!